"If you are patient, God's decree passes and you are rewarded. If you are discontent, God's decree passes and you carry the burden." Umar ibn al-Khattab, quoted by Dr. Saad Al-Arifi (36:49)
From the episode
- The good life. He says "the good life" promised in the Qur'an has been explained as contentment. Contentment brings balance, security and calm, and in his view better health.
- Only two options. Umar ibn al-Khattab told an afflicted man that the decree passes either way: with reward if he is patient, with a burden if he is not. Panic does not change the hardship, it adds to it.
- Discontent lengthens it. In his view complaint and discontent greatly prolong a hardship.
- His posting to Tabuk. After graduating he was posted to Tabuk, about 1,300 km from Riyadh. Offered Bisha or Najran instead, he refused all three. He wrote and signed: "I do not want this job."
- The car that went back. He got into his car, reversed, and instead of driving away put it back into drive and returned to the same spot. He still does not know why. He took the job unwillingly and, by his own account, not content at all.
- All the good was there. Everything he has today, he says, came through that city.
- His father's plan. Worried he would quit, his father told him to find a plot of land in Tabuk and build on it, with his father's money. He found a corner plot for 550,000 riyals, built on it, and later sold it for 650,000. His father asked only for his capital back. Tabuk became "a city of livelihood".
- Grief can kill. He says grief is a killer in the literal sense, citing the verse in which God tells the Prophet he might destroy himself with grief.
- The immune system. In his description the immune system fights invaders efficiently on one condition, that you are at ease; in grief, panic and discontent it shuts down.
- Contentment is not numbness. When his son Ibrahim died, the Prophet said "the eye weeps and the heart grieves", and was still content.
The idea, explained
Umar's two options
Umar's sentence is a short lesson in what you control. The decree passes either way. What is still open is how you carry it, and that decides whether it ends as reward or as burden.
Can grief really kill?
He says grief is a killer, literally. Research supports a careful version of this. People who lose a spouse have a raised risk of dying in the following months, especially soon after the loss (Stroebe, Schut & Stroebe, 2007). Severe emotional shock can also trigger a rare, usually reversible heart condition nicknamed "broken heart syndrome".
Does sadness switch off the immune system?
Not like a switch. A large review of stress and immunity found that brief stress actually boosts some immune defences, while long-lasting stress, such as ongoing grief, caregiving or unemployment, wears several of them down (Segerstrom & Miller, 2004).
| What he says | What the research says |
|---|---|
| Grief can kill | Bereavement raises the risk of death for a time, especially early on |
| The immune system works only if you are at ease | Short stress can boost immunity; chronic stress weakens it |
| Contentment makes you healthier | Lower chronic stress is linked to better health |
So the advice holds, with the right emphasis: it is the long, unrelieved discontent that does the damage, and that is exactly what he warns against.
Contentment is not numbness
The Prophet wept for his son Ibrahim and was still content. Contentment, in his telling, lives alongside sadness; what it rules out is protest and despair.
Key terms
Contentment (rida) · Reward (ajr) · Burden (wizr) · Chronic stress · Bereavement.